Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
