My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998)” — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?"… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball,… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
