I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange. — Henny Youngman Christmas Copy Share Image
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five. — Henny Youngman Five Copy Share Image
A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him. — Henny Youngman Afraid Copy Share Image
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did — Henny Youngman Cards Copy Share Image
My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind… — Henny Youngman Behinds Copy Share Image
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" — Henny Youngman Arthritis Copy Share Image
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. — Henny Youngman Credit card Copy Share Image
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I… — Henny Youngman Dies Copy Share Image
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about… — Henny Youngman Asks Copy Share Image
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly… — Henny Youngman Crazy Copy Share Image
I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I… — Henny Youngman Airline Copy Share Image
A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to… — Henny Youngman Available Copy Share Image
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles… — Henny Youngman Doctors Copy Share Image
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles,… — Henny Youngman Airline Copy Share Image
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and… — Henny Youngman Bosoms Copy Share Image
In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd… — Henny Youngman Benches Copy Share Image
A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band,… — Henny Youngman Band Copy Share Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the… — Henny Youngman Bars Copy Share Image
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A… — Henny Youngman Anniversary Copy Share Image
A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when… — Henny Youngman Beach Copy Share Image
