I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. — Henny Youngman Marriage Copy Share Image
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman Communication Copy Share Image
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. — Henny Youngman Army Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." — Henny Youngman Comedy Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Car Copy Share Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Brother Copy Share Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married?… — Henny Youngman Birthday Copy Share Image
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. — Henny Youngman Dieting Copy Share Image
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. — Henny Youngman Mother Copy Share Image
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. — Henny Youngman Funny Copy Share Image
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it. — Henny Youngman Checks Copy Share Image
My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week. — Henny Youngman Funny Copy Share Image
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. — Henny Youngman Cases Copy Share Image
A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him. — Henny Youngman Funny Copy Share Image
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it? — Henny Youngman Hard Copy Share Image
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about… — Henny Youngman Asks Copy Share Image
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food. — Henny Youngman Baby Copy Share Image
