A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked? — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball,… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
