A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office".… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
