This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Epcot Center also features pavilions built by various foreign nations, where you can experience an extremely realistic simulation of what life in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Fortunately the boat we rented had a motor in it You will definitely want this feature on your sailboat too, because if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that "hmmmm" noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won't come… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople get ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Derangement is the only possible explanation for owning a cat, an animal whose preferred mode of communication is to sink its claws… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
