Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If God had wanted us to spend all our time fretting about the problems of home ownership, He would never have created… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've been to Washington many times over the years for stories, and it always seems remarkably the same. More the same than… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“They feed you, like, eight times a day, which is why cruise people always look like hairless water buffalo wearing sneakers.” — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. "Hey, YOU!" are the sea's exact… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Very Important: During this sensitive postpartum time, you must be very careful not to say anything negative about your wife’s appearance. On… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At certain times each year, we journalists do almost nothing except apply for the Pulitzers and several dozen other major prizes. During… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
