Needs Quotes by Dave Barry

Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.

— Dave Barry

Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.

— Dave Barry

Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.

— Dave Barry

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.

— Dave Barry

Whatever the needs of the public are, the government responds to those needs by getting larger.

— Dave Barry

Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.

— Dave Barry

Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.

— Dave Barry

Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week…

— Dave Barry

Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, "Dave, all you do…

— Dave Barry

Classical music gradually lost popularity because it is too complicated: you need twenty-five or thirty skilled musicians just to hum it properly.…

— Dave Barry

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days…

— Dave Barry

And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that…

— Dave Barry

I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European…

— Dave Barry

Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors…

— Dave Barry

I think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large…

— Dave Barry

There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of…

— Dave Barry

Stuffwise we are not a lean operation. We're the kind of people who, if we were deciding what absolute minimum essential items…

— Dave Barry

We travel because, no matter how comfortable we are at home, there's a part of us that wants - that needs -…

— Dave Barry

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It…

— Dave Barry

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind…

— Dave Barry

To defend Western Europe we have to let the Pentagon buy all these tanks and guns and things, and the Pentagon is…

— Dave Barry

SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which…

— Dave Barry

I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really…

— Dave Barry

Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from…

— Dave Barry

Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All…

— Dave Barry

But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the…

— Dave Barry

I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with.…

— Dave Barry

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing…

— Dave Barry

Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself…

— Dave Barry

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind…

— Dave Barry

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve…

— Dave Barry

Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly,…

— Dave Barry