Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We travel because, no matter how comfortable we are at home, there's a part of us that wants - that needs -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Stuffwise we are not a lean operation. We're the kind of people who, if we were deciding what absolute minimum essential items… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
To defend Western Europe we have to let the Pentagon buy all these tanks and guns and things, and the Pentagon is… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Classical music gradually lost popularity because it is too complicated: you need twenty-five or thirty skilled musicians just to hum it properly.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
