Trying Quotes by Dave Barry

The Mollusks—generous hosts when they weren’t trying to kill you.

— Dave Barry

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

— Dave Barry

Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they…

— Dave Barry

Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died…

— Dave Barry

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

— Dave Barry

I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.

— Dave Barry

I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.

— Dave Barry

Never try to put all the chemicals in the entire world in your body at the same time.

— Dave Barry

I never start a section of the story without knowing how it will end. I also consciously try to shape the story…

— Dave Barry

The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or…

— Dave Barry

As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and…

— Dave Barry

At the time, we were mad at Moammar Gadhafi, which resulted in us bombing all over Libya and killing a bunch of…

— Dave Barry

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little…

— Dave Barry

Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals,…

— Dave Barry

I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire…

— Dave Barry

Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into…

— Dave Barry

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity,…

— Dave Barry

Turbulence.” This is what pilots announce that you have encountered when your plane strikes an object in midair. You'll be flying along,…

— Dave Barry

We're trying to make our current house look domestic so that somebody will want to buy it. We're making a lot of…

— Dave Barry

Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several…

— Dave Barry

The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose…

— Dave Barry

The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like…

— Dave Barry

Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All…

— Dave Barry

I've always found relationships, men and women, the fact that they are so radically different, and it manifests itself in so many…

— Dave Barry

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved…

— Dave Barry

Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage…

— Dave Barry

In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying…

— Dave Barry

We have always had dogs, and they have faithfully performed many valuable services for us, such as: 1. Peeing on everything. 2.…

— Dave Barry

I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or…

— Dave Barry

Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own…

— Dave Barry

The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is…

— Dave Barry

A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been…

— Dave Barry

Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to…

— Dave Barry

Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all…

— Dave Barry

Humor is an escape, because you cannot think about your problems when you are trying to be funny; so, in essence, "being…

— Dave Barry

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved…

— Dave Barry

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of…

— Dave Barry

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all…

— Dave Barry

... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try…

— Dave Barry

How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, give them pep…

— Dave Barry