As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At the time, we were mad at Moammar Gadhafi, which resulted in us bombing all over Libya and killing a bunch of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
