Food Quotes by Dave Barry

This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.

— Dave Barry

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

— Dave Barry

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

— Dave Barry

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve…

— Dave Barry

I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

— Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

— Dave Barry

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

— Dave Barry

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

— Dave Barry

There's an old saying among scientific guys: "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on…

— Dave Barry

Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just…

— Dave Barry

Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods…

— Dave Barry

The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent…

— Dave Barry

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have…

— Dave Barry

The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the…

— Dave Barry

The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United…

— Dave Barry

In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up…

— Dave Barry

Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can…

— Dave Barry

When your Super Bowl guests arrive, they should find a mound of potato chips large enough to conceal a pony sitting in…

— Dave Barry

Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected…

— Dave Barry

If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a…

— Dave Barry

“The reason is that you eat too many foods that are high in "calories," which are little units that measure how good…

— Dave Barry

Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

— Dave Barry

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

— Dave Barry

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

— Dave Barry

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from someone else's plate.”

— Dave Barry

If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.

— Dave Barry

AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.

— Dave Barry

“They feed you, like, eight times a day, which is why cruise people always look like hairless water buffalo wearing sneakers.”

— Dave Barry

Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.

— Dave Barry

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

— Dave Barry

In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.

— Dave Barry

The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape…

— Dave Barry

A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas…

— Dave Barry

This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed…

— Dave Barry

This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which…

— Dave Barry

Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess…

— Dave Barry

Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, "Dave, all you do…

— Dave Barry