“Capitalist cycle of profit. The rancher sells a cow for profit. The butcher sells cuts for profit. The restaurant sells meals for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I must be pregnant, because I’m craving some strange food. Right now I feel like eating organic, grass-fed cow cud, covered with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The Italians say “Chow.” To them it means “Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to be hungry during intercourse?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll wait until your mouth is full of food before I ask you a question. I’m like a dentist.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to use my influence for good, rather than evil. And in this case, the good is a free meal at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your food’s not getting cold. I’m keeping it warm in my stomach. Dinner’s on me tonight.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Walk around with an open can of tuna in your pocket. You know, for a way to start conversations and offer strangers… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t eat food with silverware—I use sponges. I always clean my plate.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He wanted to pay me in agriculture, but I told him, "I need something that's going to put food on the table.” — Jarod KIntz Copy Share Image
“A chef should make a dish using only my words as ingredients. My words will taste great in your mouth.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Up until I saw the hair in my food, it was delicious. You know, cannibalism isn’t so bad.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When the food runs out, the family reunion is over. It’s cool that out of all my relatives, I’m the only cannibal.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Grow a garden. When there’s a food shortage in the future, you’ll need it. And when people try to steal your food… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s not a lot of food on the moon. Not unless you’re into cannibalism.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to get to-go boxes at restaurants where not only did I not eat in, but apparently their patrons didn’t either,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With the rising cost of food, either the portions get smaller, or the quality gets inferior. So, for example, pizza that used… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll wait until your mouth is full of food before I ask you a question. That’s just the kind of gentleman I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
