“A real criminal mastermind isn’t known as a criminal mastermind, because how good can you be if you’re a known criminal? No,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as brain filler for the political mind, just in case one of our elected officials needs a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put all my eggs in one basket, and then I jizzed all over them. I'm a natural politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Let’s say you’re a politician. You’re still you, but you are an elected official. In other words, in this scenario, you get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everybody has something to offer the world. Even rapists, murderers, and politicians. Well, maybe not politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could deliver the zeitgeist through the thick skull of a politician faster than any letter or email. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m famous for my Shepherd’s Pie. Here’s my recipe: lamb, potatoes, cheese, peas, paprika, and a wool-covered apron for the chef/shepherd/wolf-like politician… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a responsibility as a human being to care for animals—including politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brains.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is it any wonder that war is senseless? It’s started by politicians. As a class, politicians have no class, and even less… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How to grow up slowly and secretly, not all at once like lunch in a condom, that is the essence of politics.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The American Dream is to not have to work, so with unemployment at record levels, you’d think more people would be excited… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to cook with, as a thickening agent in gravy. But as history proves, the thickest agents work… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, thats just what Ill do. Its this kind of regard for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of the most productive ways a government can spend money on the people is by building more prisons. That’s what makes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What the government makes to make money is money. They make money by making money—literally printing it. While the private sector has… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tongue, if used the wrong way, can cause serious injury or even death. Politicians are famous for misusing their tongues this… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used as scapegoats for global warming. But why blame the blankets? Wouldn’t it be more fun, and more accurate,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It may be bad for you, but government has no role in dictating our lives. People should be free to imprison themselves.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
