“I have a responsibility as a human being to care for animals—including politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I feel like the boy who cried wolf, even though I know even less about politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If politicians lived to be only 30-years-old before dying, that’d still be 30 years too long.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Not only did I not get it done, but I’m over budget too. I’m like a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Like a spy, I planted a bug. Like a farmer, I watched it grow into a politician that more than half the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Business idea: Merge a billiard table with a golf course, and make the pockets as deep as a typical politician's pants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m asleep I’m a politician, and when I’m awake I’m a criminal. Throughout the day and night, my mentality never changes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be divided into four even parts and given to three equal people. I’d be an ideal politician, because I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, because I didn’t vote for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I run for office, my political platform will be made of wood, and it’ll be made by the people.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for political transparency. After all, what’s more see-through than a brick wall? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A boring machine, would it drill holes—or put you to sleep? The two-party political system, that’s a boring machine, though voters are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Newt Gingrich, buddy, the people of the United States don’t like you. And the only reason the rest of the world doesn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tongue, if used the wrong way, can cause serious injury or even death. Politicians are famous for misusing their tongues this… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What the government makes to make money is money. They make money by making money—literally printing it. While the private sector has… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be a politician because I like the idea of public service. Come on, who wouldn’t want all the people… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m very careful with political statements. When I bash the Republicans, I know I’ll piss off about half the people. That’s why… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket can be a statement—a generalization and truism covering a multitude of categories, like corruption, ineptitude, ignorance, arrogance, greed, and sloth—which… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Let’s say you’re a politician. You’re still you, but you are an elected official. In other words, in this scenario, you get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re not so different, you and I. Sure, we may have different religious beliefs, political outlooks, sexual orientations, economic viewpoints, and artistic/literary/culinary… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s only a problem until you ignore it. Come on, that’s Politics 101.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not really masturbating if you’re jacking your clone off. It’s more like politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A job is like a politician struggling in the water. Be sure you hold it down.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Coffee and donuts go together like government policy and subsequent poverty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It is possible to be a retard and a politician. In fact, it’s almost a prerequisite.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say we cut our government in half, with a chainsaw along their waists.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
