“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Let’s say you’re a politician. You’re still you, but you are an elected official. In other words, in this scenario, you get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would tell you I hope you find what you seek in life, but your problem is you’re not looking. The only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You looked so beautiful that I felt compelled to say something. So I said, “The fish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life has been going downhill ever since I stopped pedaling on my bicycle. But I suppose that’s a good thing.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“John Nobody, a Nobody Inc. spokesperson, declined to comment. Or prove his existence or the existence of the company he may or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I rolled up to his house, rolled up my sleeves, ate a Fruit Roll-Up, and left. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If Ted Kennedy made it to heaven, do you think he’s pleased with the fact that Jesus can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If the man of your dreams existed in two dimensions only, would you try to print duplicates of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He played a great part in my life. It was great in that it was a majority of time, but it wasn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, like lightning, can strike anytime. That’s why I say tinfoil is not just for leftovers—it’s for channeling romance into your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Before the blue of night meets the pink of sunrise, there is a transition of lavender. It's a gradient of color that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s only two years younger, but that doesn’t mean I’m not old enough to be his father. I grew up fast. Ah,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We can be anything we want to be in this life. And I’d like to be you. But there can’t be two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Maybe I’ll try to coax my cat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
