“I want to buy a sports car, because I like riding bicycles. Hold on to my handlebar mustache if you value your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to write “I Want” because wanting is one of the things I want most in life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I could flush down my fears, but I can’t, because they’d clog up the toilet. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life didn’t hand me lemons. Or limes. But staying with the citrus motif, it did hand me oranges. How do you like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life is a puff of smoke in a tornado. We are all furiously whirling into nothingness.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I find wisdom in the waves. Goodbye is a hello to a life without you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so positive that you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not blanketing the truth when I say: Give a man a brick, and he’ll fish for a day. But give a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You need skills to be good at homesteading. You need farming, carpentry, and above all, you need to be able to impersonate… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The car wash sign said, “Free Vacuums.” So I told them I wanted a high-powered Dyson. I figured it’d be a good… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could have murdered a man today, but by not doing so I saved his life, and thus became a hero to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a symbol for the kind of life I’m trying to build. The question now is, what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This core concept is so fundamental to her life that she even had a custom grand piano made where the keys aren’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Growing up, my bedroom was like a garage, only much smaller and with more lawnmowers in it (we had to store them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s 3:33 am as I’m writing this down on loose sheets of printer paper. I’m in the back office sitting behind the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We all want somebody to share our life and love with. But if there are an odd number of people on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spend your weekends? If not, why… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The living have love for the dead, but the dead have no love for the living. I ought to know, because I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Make yourself interesting to history. Master some aspect of life, and then find a different area and do something crazy. Become a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know why she broke up with me. I was always there when she needed me. Well, aside for about 3/4ths… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What is art? Art is tar, rearranged. Art is tar on canvas or tar on tarp or tar on a naked body.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that sounds like an honest statement,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
