“I sleep on my side. And if you’re not on my side, you’re against me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s all the erection I can muster.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won’t be lulled by the lullaby, when what waits after is eternal sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For better sleep tonight, pre-order your duck fight today. It’ll give your pillow the energy you need to power slumber through to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a mansion of an imagination, and I cordially invite you to come sleep in my shed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just realized my reality, and I’d like to say No Thanks. I’m going back to sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In the spirit of slumber parties, I want to have a sleepover and invite only narcoleptics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so positive that you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Are there any sleeping jobs, because I have a lot of experience. Years and years, actually. And with on the job training,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you’re as ugly as I am, you need all the beauty sleep you can get. I’ll be in the restroom resting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t sleep on the left side of the bed, or the right side, because there is a third option: to not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A pitcher throwing a pitcher full of sleep has a lot of pitch and yawn. My love has pitch and yaw, which… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream I woke up to realize I was tired and needed to go to sleep. Then I slowly remembered that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quick, before he wakes up and finds… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I asked you out to coffee, and you said, “No thanks. I’m a recovering insomniac.” I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My headboard has bars, like a jail cell. Sometimes I’ll be asleep and think I’m in prison, and I’ll hear my alarm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had to be at work at 8 am this morning, so I set my alarm clock for 7:49. Naturally, my body… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I can’t write I read. When I can’t read I sleep. And when I can’t sleep I write.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll leave the rest to you. Then, once you’re finished with the last part, I’ll leave you to rest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I look like I haven’t slept for eight hours, it’s because I haven’t. Oh, I wasn’t up all night. I slept… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Let the best of your competition take out the rest of your competition, while you rest and then take out only that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have about as much practice sleeping as everyone else, though I’d like to have more.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can’t be the best all the time. But that’s what clones are for—to be you while you sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is the only reason you get out of bed because you can’t sleep anymore? I’m like that sometimes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In bed, I could climb in, if you ever rest. Then I could mount you like Everest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
