“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite unit of time is the hour, because I collect them and store as many as 10 new and unused ones… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s easy to see what to do once it’s already been done. The difficult time is before it’s to be done, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have time to grow out a mustache, so I wore a squirrel to the party. Women looked at me like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to foretell the future. But I’m the only one alive who knows how to make it work,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a bridge between your future and mine. A bridge constructed entirely out of trust, honesty, and in our case, wooden… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“God, the devil, and Orafoura were walking along a river one day when they came across three naked women splashing in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The moment I heard her name I fell in love. Of course I fell in love with the wrong name, so I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me F*** you. Then Ill go back to that person and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I gave her a Boston cream pie, even though we were in Seattle at the time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I had five wives, one for each day of the workweek. This would leave me the weekends to enjoy time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have time to bury the money. All my precious time was taken up burying the body. I should have left… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Between was and is you’ll find me—but most of the time you’ll only find me in pictures.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made friends with the future. But I’m still friends with the past.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t have time to kill you, and you don’t have time to die, because I’m not into redundancy, and you’re already… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your writing can be chosen by one publisher and hated by all readers, or it can be rejected by one publisher and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got stood up. I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was in a wheelchair.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He played a great part in my life. It was great in that it was a majority of time, but it wasn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I laughed so hard I nearly spit out my hot tea. The strange part was the fact that I was drinking coffee… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I remember the first time we made love like it was the second time. We never made love again, and I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
