“The only time I’ll eat Italian wedding soup is if I’m wearing a tuxedo and eating with a priest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t remember the last time I had fun. Wait, yes I can. It was 1989, and I was wearing a t-shirt… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Oh, look, there are jobs available in Jacksonville! Today there are two jobs for me and 1.2 million other people in this… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“By the time I tell you to start doing something, it’s time for you to stop listening and start doing. Especially if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We picked up where we left off, with leftovers, and I said this was the best… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“-Good thing you don’t own a mirror, Mr. Mirrorless, or you’d see how ugly you are. -What makes you think I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m introduced to a woman for the first time, I always say the same thing. I say, “Hi, I’m Jarod, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m an artist. I’m a cave painter. Archaeologists and art critics of the future are going to call me a genius. They’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the future.” But how’d I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
