“A peaceful wave came over me, and I thought, Thank God I’m holding my breath.” — Jarod Kintz Peace Copy Share Image
“Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics.” — Jarod Kintz Leadership Copy Share Image
“I like making money. I make it out of wood. I make nickels mostly.” — Jarod Kintz Making money Copy Share Image
“Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued it to my face.” — Jarod Kintz Right now Copy Share Image
“Sit in a small chair. It’s easier to have people to look up to this way.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love in a HAZMAT suit. I think I contaminated the relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Music can elevate man to new heights. Especially elevator music.” — Jarod Kintz Music Copy Share Image
“I haven’t had a birthday party in a while, probably because I’m not really into celebrating myself. Especially not for an achievement… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“If I could die saving two lives, I would, provided each of those two people were the kind of people who would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember those days. That was before your time. It was before my time too, because I… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“-There’s a beautiful woman here for you who wants to have sex. -Tell her I’m married. Then tell her I’ll be there… — Jarod Kintz Beautiful woman Copy Share Image
“I want to head up a committee to discuss how to properly head up committees. Our committee will sit at a round… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My hands fell asleep, so I washed them with hot coffee. Then I had donuts for breakfast, by way of spinning circles… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing in this world feels quite like freedom, except for freedom. And nothing in the world tastes quite like freedom, except for… — Jarod Kintz Bald eagle Copy Share Image
“She had breasts that sagged to her knees. But that's ok, because when it got cold, I could see her nipples through… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though, because I wear them in place of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have to put up a wall to put up with him. Not an invisible, metaphoric emotional wall, but a wall made… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had… — Jarod Kintz Little brother Copy Share Image
“A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I sometimes lie awake at night wishing I had all the answers. But I guess only God has all of them, while… — Jarod Kintz Awake at night Copy Share Image
“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like… — Jarod Kintz Fast food Copy Share Image
“You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I made a t-shirt that says, "Today's my birthday" on it, so that I can ask for hugs from strangers and point… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“Seeking a woman who looks like a feminized version of L. Ron Hubbard to help me decode intergalactic messages that I might… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket could be used as characters in a story full of clever dialogue, such as: Brick: I checked… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Rich mahogany wood was used to construct the bookshelves, and the floor is also hardwood of the same deep tone. Copper trim… — Jarod Kintz Green grass Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door that they want to stop people from opening it up? I don’t know, but it’s got to be diabolical, and if anything is to be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’m tired of thinking about Agatha. Well, not about her, but about my loss of her. Today I went through some old… — Jarod Kintz Bad day Copy Share Image
“I can’t charge you 99 cents for a book called 99 Cents For Some Nonsense, because that would make sense. However, I have to charge you 99 cents, because it makes sense not to. So to do it is logical, and to not do it is logical, and I don’t know what to do! What’s worse, I don’t even know… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share
“The best way to get America back to work, and reduce our deficit, is hire all the photographers in the country, position… — Jarod Kintz Gas prices Copy Share Image
“My computer set-up is crazy. I have wireless set up on my iMac, aimed at a router, which itself is perfectly angled at another router, which in turn is angled at a sofa covered in tinfoil to bounce the signal to the original source. If you want to sit on that couch, you’d better be wearing a reflective astronaut suit,… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share
