“I have a responsibility as a human being to care for animals—including politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Animal Copy Share Image
“I want to drum up interest for instruments that are played by beating them with sticks.” — Jarod Kintz Beating Copy Share Image
“On any job application I ever do, if they want my references, I always list the Bible.” — Jarod Kintz Bible Copy Share Image
“I’m the best me I can be. I didn’t achieve this through hard work, but by murdering my over performing clones. ” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“We are the wire, and tomorrow is like yesterday with a furry back. Don’t pet me, Tuesday! Please don’t Wednesday with my… — Jarod Kintz Furry Copy Share Image
“If love were circular, like a yawn, and I were dynamic and geometric, like an isosceles triangle, would you take me to… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.” — Jarod Kintz Supermodel Copy Share Image
“To fly is to swim in the air, and a brick could be used as an as example to highlight man’s failure… — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“If I had three magic wishes, I’d use the first wish for one more, to replace the one I just wasted wishing… — Jarod Kintz Wishing Copy Share Image
“I would sacrifice my life to save two lives, provided those two people would sacrifice their lives to save four lives. In… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Like a spy, I planted a bug. Like a farmer, I watched it grow into a politician that more than half the… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“Order for Jarod,” she said as I walked over to pick it up. This was it, this was my moment. Rebecca has… — Jarod Kintz Smile Copy Share Image
“Call me paranoid, but the shape the human hand makes when extending out for a handshake looks suspiciously like a karate chop.… — Jarod Kintz Handshake Copy Share Image
“I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land… — Jarod Kintz Dig deep Copy Share Image
“The shirt I have on today is the color of a banana, and tomorrow’s shirt will also be the color of a… — Jarod Kintz Tomorrow Copy Share Image
“I think we should change the amount of time in each day. Sunday thru Friday should be reduced from 24 hours down… — Jarod Kintz Friday Copy Share Image
“Everywhere I go I'm too focused on everyone else to realize that they are too focused on themselves. And by everyone else… — Jarod Kintz Focus Copy Share Image
“Two one-armed people might seem perfect for each other, but what if they’re both missing the same arm? Then even something simple… — Jarod Kintz Couple Copy Share Image
“I am not challenging you to be you, I am challenging you to be you. In the first case, I’d be challenging… — Jarod Kintz Challenge Copy Share Image
“Oh, look, there are jobs available in Jacksonville! Today there are two jobs for me and 1.2 million other people in this… — Jarod Kintz Jacksonville Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop a train. But I’ve got a better way to stop a speeding train. Stand firmly… — Jarod Kintz Better way Copy Share Image
“I decide to scope out craigslist to see all the vibrant economic employment opportunities available to me in this depression. Oh, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Depression Copy Share Image
“If your name is Alex Andrew Aaron, and you are a straight-A student, is it because your initials are AAA, because your… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“On my list of things to be when I grew up was a character in a Gary Larson comic. With one of… — Jarod Kintz Comic Copy Share Image
“In this moment I’m reminded of Thor tutoring me math in the second grade. Thor was a math major in college, and… — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that sounds like an honest statement,… — Jarod Kintz Half empty Copy Share Image
“It occurs to me to devise mental tests on myself to see if I am who I think I am, but then… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
