“A flower blooms in my heart. You may call that love, but I call it water conservation.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I need a water/glory mix of 2:1. That’d make me piss like a champion.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t go to the water park because it was raining, and I didn’t want to get wet.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be the camel of love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is there a gun that shoots rain? Oh yeah, water guns. How technologically advanced we are!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Boil your drinking water, and drink the water surrounding you in your bathtub.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a lot of ways I am like a duck. I love the water; I have large, web-like feet; and I could… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be crushed, mixed with water, and drunk like a sports drink. And hey, with no bromated vegetable oil, it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a flamethrower would make a good ice machine. But that’s OK, because I like ice water.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you’re getting up to cross the Sahara, I could sure go for a bottle of water. My thirst to love you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As our bodies are mostly made of water, I’d rather be hungry than thirsty. And as love is mostly made up of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on each water molecule and then drink the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water doesn’t shape like clay when you move it with your hands. I've spent a lot of time swimming, and none of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a water purification device. Place it between a flowing water source and your storage barrel and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When certain people can’t figure out why a certain place produces a certain thing, they tend to say, “There must be something… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put a saddle on my salad, and I rode my horseradish to Rhode Island, where I was just in time to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to teach you patience. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One day Orafoura and I were walking along and I turned and said, "I wish I could capture the weather in a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hate when people say primitive people didn’t even have running water. What do they call rivers?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to water down the water. Don’t do it now! Wait until I am finished bathing. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The water trapped in my window makes it like an aquarium—which makes me the fish.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water is nearly invisible. So is my love. Drink it in, but don’t choke on it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the Magic Chicken of Desire. Just add water. And a brick and a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t shower because water is the most corrosive element. Ever seen what it does to rock? I want a chiseled body,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell pepper to people in the salt mines. So while you’re busy selling pepper to the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I drink special water, because not all water is equal. Some water is smarter and taller and more handsome than other water.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am greedy with water. I made your apology tea dry. I’m sorry. You might try snorting it out of the bag.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rain, it always reminds me of water. And you know how much I love things that remind me of other things. Say,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
