“A blanket could be used as a tablecloth, and a brick left as a tip. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to swallow up the nightmares you used to have as a kid. Whatever happened to those bad… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, and you simply refuse to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reveal hidden mysteries. Quick, get naked and get under, and I will illuminate the night. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover up the bald spot all over my chest. That’s why I get so cold at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be divided into four even parts and given to three equal people. I’d be an ideal politician, because I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say hello to a friend I haven’t spoken to in forever. Forever is a long time,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to save your marriage. If only your spouse is invited under your blanket, then each party feels… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as an example for how you should make important decisions. Don’t give me a yes or a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to let the world know how serious you are. I’m serious, it could work. Try wrapping your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be hung on your living room wall, and watched instead of nightly news. Not only would it be more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as wrapping paper, to give the gift of a cat. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket is a coffin, if the cops are after you and you have to dump a body quick. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help frowners smile. I’m only halfway through the process myself, which is why I’m smirking. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fill the night sky with smoke, if you use it to suffocate the fire. And if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help my career. Things have gone cold in this economic depression, so anything to help warm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
