“A blanket could be used to help my career. Things have gone cold in this economic depression, so anything to help warm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could help me tell you I love you. Well, it could if I did, but I don’t, so I’ll just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to sell your winningest product to your loserest customer. Oh, loserest is a word. I know, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to hide my shame and cover my insecurities. But so could a camouflaged condom. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I’ll never see again. Keep it wrapped tight, because every… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a shield, in a fight with a cold shower. I know, because I won that battle… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a sail for my self-esteem when I’m floating upstream on the turbulent river of my subconscious.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to put the war in warm. Just paint the blanket like an American flag, and then try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say I’m sorry without using words, gestures, body language, facial expressions, or telepathy. I’ve always thought… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop a war, particularly if that war is a Cold War. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to identify liars and thieves, if lawmakers passed laws stating that lawmakers were required by law to wear… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used as billboards on buildings, especially hotels, if you write things like, “Free sex with room.” ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d use my shadow as a blanket, but it’s too cold. It’s a shame, because it’d fit snuggly over my body.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the trunk of your car could be rented out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used in a secretive manner. What? I can’t just tell you how it could be used. What part… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket is a blank canvas for which to paint. And a brick could be chiseled into a sculpture. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket isn’t the solution, a blanket is the problem. I say we burn all the blankets, along with the bodies of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On is to no, as Dora J. Arod is to Dora J. Arod. And brick is to blanket, as Dora J. Arod… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suffocate our secret desires. And what do I secretly desire? I desire suffocation, and that is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to water down the water. Don’t do it now! Wait until I am finished bathing. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to lure politicians to your side of an issue. Which is your side? Easy—the side I’m not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My blanket is a year old. And amazingly, it still purrs just as loud today as it did when it was a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming—and that you are warm. Where’s the cold war when… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a stool softener. Or it could also be used to soften a chair. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket is a shield, blocking out the breeze, and an insulator, keeping in body heat. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a tablecloth, to cover up illicit brick deals done under the table. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
