“A blanket could be used as a soggy umbrella, if you’re too cheap to buy my 360-degrees spinning windshield wiper on a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroom.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a warm topping on a hamburger, sort of like processed cheese, only tastier and healthier. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to catch a hippopotamus. But you try it out first, and let me know if it works. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a Portable Night Generator. Just stretch it over your head, blocking your eyes from the sun… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep you warm on a cold night. Just pour some gasoline on it and light it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to tell people a thousand miles and a thousand years away hello. Greetings European people of 3013!… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a TV screen. How? No—why? Even better—why not? Why not wrap yourself up in your favorite… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate the masses, and ensure everlasting peace for all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a screen to project animated bedtime stories onto, and also a place to project your fears… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket can be wrapped around one’s head and used as a helmet. It’s particularly appropriate if you wear your blanket helmet… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a tank, if you rearrange the letters and leave out the leb. But why would you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to ward off warts. I tested it out last Tuesday on my Aunt Velma, and she doesn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to represent a thing. Now this thing is curious, because it represents an idea. This idea is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re going to rip the blanket in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a cat. Wait, I have that backwards. A cat could be used as a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to describe somebody hard and inflexible, and a blanket could be used to describe somebody warm and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an electric blanket, but I think it’s criminal to use it any time other than when I’m sitting in my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket that has arms to hold you when you are sad, now that's what I call a comforter.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could make a good hood on a car, because it’s flat and warm and I don’t currently have a hood.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a trap to ensnare two entangled lovers. Using this method is how I found my current… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover up Jude McNude. But despite his last name, he isn’t nude, merely cold. No, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the NSA. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used, or it could not be used. They are opposites, but that doesn’t mean one is good and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
