“A brick could be used to support a wobbly table. Who got that table drunk, anyway? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would rather build a relationship than a wall. Can you pass me another brick?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be flipped over and turned endlessly. But it still won’t start your car. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell the world’s largest Yes what you really want to tell it, which is no. Tell… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is something solid, stable, and yet edgy. In other words, it’s everything a politician isn’t. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as 1,2, and 4. But not 3. No, 3 is too holy for a brick. 3 is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for job security, like an employment paperweight. Hey, in this economic depression, I’ll take anything I can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush the dreams of the little guy. Especially if that little guy’s dreams are roach like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick has ten holes in two rows lining the center—perfect so that you and nine of your friends can each stick… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be covered in black fur, cradled, pet, and called Mr. Fizzlebush. The best part is that since it’ll sit… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a cube. No it couldn’t. If you thought it could, you need to be punished. I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal Government from blowing over. Well, at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to brighten up your day, like a lampshade over the sun dangling down over your dining room… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop time. I did it once at my uncle’s house, and I nearly wrecked the universe.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a zoopkatofka, which itself could be used… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep a level head. I don’t mean remaining rational, I mean literally, keep your head still… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a duplicate. It is a physical copy of the idea for a brick. And what’s the big idea? A… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket walk into a bar, and the bartender turns and says, “What can I get you started with?”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be a breath freshener for a dragon. But so could a mint-flavored baby. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a house—or destroy it, one window at a time. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a fraction of a building, and a brick is like a building—if you're like an ant. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to raise my spirits. I’m feeling low right now, low by about three inches. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be broken—shattered—and then given as a gift, a jigsaw puzzle. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed on a conveyer belt. It will revolutionize the construction industry! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to divide two people, and then conquer both of them. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
