“A brick could be cast in Samuel Jackson roles. It would be cheaper and more dramatic. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as food for thought. Every politician should chew on that. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to satisfy your hunger—and satisfy my curiosity. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be traded for a soon-to-be abandoned baby. Let’s build a better future together. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to simulate a war opponent. Especially if your nemesis is paraplegic and without transportation. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a paperweight, for people whose writing isn’t as dense or weighty as mine. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a rust-colored blur of movement, caught in a moment, and transformed from motion into a physical object. Studying this… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as an idol you can worship. But be careful, lest God smite thee with His wrath. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a middle name. But who’d be dumb enough to do that, when it would clearly make… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep a level head. I don’t mean remaining rational, I mean literally, keep your head still… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to replace the brother you never had. Well, it’s only a possibility, but you probably won’t like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be your new best friend. If this appeals to you, it’s probably because people tend to seek the company… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is like fruitcake. You don’t want to use it up all at once, and in fact, you don’t want to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you become the next Great American Novelist. Hopefully after you use it to crack your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could replace the eagle as the symbol for the United States of America. And why not? A brick just sort… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a mode of transportation, for a bug going nowhere in life. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor's yard. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a baton, as it passes from a civilization in ruin to one on the rise. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to cuddle too. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick, in the hands of a Mason, could be used to cover up and hide a secret handshake. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to wipe your ass with. You know, if you already live someplace shitty. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a banana. No it isn’t. Still, I think you should eat it anyway. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
