“I am the kid with the dirty red shoes. That’s not dirt, it’s blood. ” — Jarod Kintz Red shoes Copy Share Image
“She had a picture of a llama, so under it I wrote, “I didn’t know you knew my brother.” — Jarod Kintz Brother Copy Share Image
“Before I sold used cars, I sold used horses. Mostly to glue factories.” — Jarod Kintz Horses Copy Share Image
“The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.” — Jarod Kintz Crotch Copy Share Image
“The window of life is mirrored. And tinted. And shattered. And borrowed.” — Jarod Kintz Borrowed Copy Share Image
“I’d rather have nobody to say anything to, than have nothing to say to anybody.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll give you the key to my heart, if you promise not to make duplicates.” — Jarod Kintz Key to my heart Copy Share Image
“He had a ten-gallon hat that hid a twenty-gallon fish tank inside his translucent forehead. He had fish for brains, as do… — Jarod Kintz Fish Copy Share Image
“Bah, Alzheimer’s. Grandma wouldn’t be so forgetful if she didn’t always have dick on her mind.” — Jarod Kintz Forgetful Copy Share Image
“People complain the president does nothing. I say stop complaining! Think how destructive he’d be if he actually tried to do something.” — Jarod Kintz Complaining Copy Share Image
“I put the “now” in knowledge. Well, I will put it there, probably tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow. ” — Jarod Kintz Knowledge Copy Share Image
“There are days when I just want to throw in the towel. Those are the difficult days, the days where I take… — Jarod Kintz Difficult days Copy Share Image
“I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal!” — Jarod Kintz Immortal Copy Share Image
“Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around… — Jarod Kintz Muffin Copy Share Image
“I don’t have to tell you, “I don’t have to tell you” before telling you something I don’t have to tell you.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like so many poor people get used and then thrown away like a sack of baloney that’s… — Jarod Kintz Poor people Copy Share Image
“The big, burly oaf offended my girl, so without hesitation I rushed to her defense. I did, however, make a few stops… — Jarod Kintz Offended Copy Share Image
“I wanted a ponytail for my 16th birthday, but daddy never bought me one. He thought that not only would I not… — Jarod Kintz 16th birthday Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep people warm. But take it from me: you want to freeze those dead bodies as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Me and a group of friends meeting in private to bond and have fun may appear to outsiders as a shadowy secret… — Jarod Kintz Community Copy Share Image
“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs… — Jarod Kintz Different path Copy Share Image
“Dr. Chuck “Chuckles” Gigglebrooks, lead researcher at the National Association of Laughter Studies, had this conclusion to draw about why people laugh:… — Jarod Kintz Comedy Copy Share Image
“I found the skeleton of a caveman a few years back. Miraculously, it had skin and hair still attached, and amazingly my… — Jarod Kintz Caveman Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to make a billion dollars. It’s easy! All you need to do is fill up a shopping cart… — Jarod Kintz Grocery store Copy Share Image
“The moonlight filtered through the trees like water from a strainer. Agatha’s hair was the color and consistency of wet noodles. I… — Jarod Kintz Open mouth Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“On my list of things to be when I grew up was a character in a Gary Larson comic. With one of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that sounds like an honest statement,… — Jarod Kintz Half empty Copy Share Image
“I decide to scope out craigslist to see all the vibrant economic employment opportunities available to me in this depression. Oh, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Depression Copy Share Image
“If your name is Alex Andrew Aaron, and you are a straight-A student, is it because your initials are AAA, because your… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a cat guy. Every night as I go to sleep, I have… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
