“It’s what’s inside that matters. I’m confused inside, because I just ate some sweet and sour.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“Fighting and dancing are kind of related. Especially if you dance with another man’s woman.” — Jarod Kintz Another man Copy Share Image
“Pound-for-pound, I’m the best non-fighter in the world. I could kick Gandhi’s ass.” — Jarod Kintz Gandhi Copy Share Image
“Masturbation, like writing, is best when your mind is working faster than your hand.” — Jarod Kintz Masturbation Copy Share Image
“When your clothes are aren’t, I’ll be there trying to get invisible with you.” — Jarod Kintz Clothes Copy Share Image
“I’m covered in fish hair! I have a dwarf shaped like a suitcase that I carry everywhere. Women tell me I love… — Jarod Kintz Love Widely Copy Share Image
“With the economic depression and unemployment at record levels, at least I have an excuse to be a bum. I can blame… — Jarod Kintz Depression Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. ” — Jarod Kintz Apple Copy Share Image
“Dream nonsense: Character: Hey, how are you? Me: I’m tired. I mean, this is a dream, so I must be, right?” — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Thor’s the kind of guy who has a closet full of tailored suits and colorful ties, yet never leaves the house and… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“My OCD governs my actions like a governor, but I didn’t vote for it. No, I voted for Dora J. Arod.” — Jarod Kintz Didn Vote Copy Share Image
“To forgive is Godly. To begrudge is manly. I don’t even have any chest hair, so you know where I stand.” — Jarod Kintz Forgiveness Copy Share Image
“Is my conversation putting you to sleep, or is the rufie I slipped in your dog food finally starting to kick in?” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m 30, and his daughter is 18. He said I was too old for her. So I asked him if I was… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“A boring machine, would it drill holes—or put you to sleep? The two-party political system, that’s a boring machine, though voters are… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“If I collected dust, I wouldn’t mind if I got dust on it. My collection would grow and accumulate naturally. Probably my… — Jarod Kintz Dust Copy Share Image
“One day Orafoura and I were walking along and I turned and said, "I wish I could capture the weather in a… — Jarod Kintz Bottle Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very… — Jarod Kintz Brick Used Copy Share Image
“It’s tough to lose one parent, but to lose two—in a murder/suicide no less! But it’s OK, soon after the incident I… — Jarod Kintz Parent Copy Share Image
“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“To save space and money, Thor and my mom work in the same office, which is basically like a converted closet, only… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We made a good team, you and I, and I thought we were in love, but… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“A brick could be attached to a parachute and tossed out of an airplane, to test if it opens up properly. Well,… — Jarod Kintz Bad news Copy Share Image
“I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and… — Jarod Kintz Orange juice Copy Share Image
“Love walked in the door like a dusty cowboy, and I looked that cowboy dead in his eyes and said, “I thought… — Jarod Kintz Deadly Copy Share Image
“I called my father, but he pretended to be sleeping at first, then claimed not to know me, and then claimed I… — Jarod Kintz Middle of the night Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You looked so beautiful that I felt compelled to say something. So I said, “The fish… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Apple is the Ferrari of the computer world. I’m not sure if the “engine” is superior, however, but the frame sure is… — Jarod Kintz Apple Copy Share Image
