“My goal is to do the most with the least—get the maximum output with the minimum input.” — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“OK isn’t just all right—it’s also the abbreviation for the state above Texas.” — Jarod Kintz State Copy Share Image
“Christ was the son, I am a magnifying glass, and you are an ant.” — Jarod Kintz Christ Copy Share Image
“A wink and a glance walk into a bar. I know because I saw it out of the corner of my eye.” — Jarod Kintz Walking Copy Share Image
“I’m trying to liquidate my assets. Somebody get me a straw.” — Jarod Kintz Liquidate Copy Share Image
“The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.” — Jarod Kintz Penis Copy Share Image
“Nobody likes a dick. Except a pussy. Or an asshole. Or a goat’s mouth.” — Jarod Kintz Asshole Copy Share Image
“Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy. ” — Jarod Kintz Middle finger Copy Share Image
“I’ll beat you with a ladder, so in my defense I can say, “I didn’t hit him! Look at those bruises. They… — Jarod Kintz Bruises Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“I can’t tell you how much I love @Gatorade. Wait, I’m sorry. I always get Gatorade and Windex mixed up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s times like these, in the middle of the night, that I wonder about the wisdom of nicknaming Florida “The Sunshine State.” — Jarod Kintz Florida Copy Share Image
“I want to invent a portable sink. It won’t be small, but it will be the size and shape of a car.… — Jarod Kintz Sink Copy Share Image
“A brick could be analyzed in the lab, broken down into olfactory components, and repackaged as an air freshener that promises that… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help the needy. Giving a brick as a gift is a symbol showing you want to… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“Give me 10 pins and a hardwood lane, and I’ll bowl. Just as long as that bowl is full of spaghetti. I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Bowl Copy Share Image
“Today I ate my manuscript with the very spoon I used to write it with. My book was called “Chicken Noodle Soup… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“Everywhere I go I'm too focused on everyone else to realize that they are too focused on themselves. And by everyone else… — Jarod Kintz Focus Copy Share Image
“If I converted an old bubble gum machine into a Love Dispenser, and charged a quarter for some love, then people probably… — Jarod Kintz Bubble gum Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in… — Jarod Kintz Getting Pregnant Copy Share Image
“One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I always keep a spare set of keys in a spare set of pants that are folded up and stuffed in my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and… — Jarod Kintz Graduating class Copy Share Image
“Order for Jarod,” she said as I walked over to pick it up. This was it, this was my moment. Rebecca has… — Jarod Kintz Smile Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rich mahogany wood was used to construct the bookshelves, and the floor is also hardwood of the same deep tone. Copper trim… — Jarod Kintz Furniture Copy Share Image
“Seeking a woman who looks like a feminized version of L. Ron Hubbard to help me decode intergalactic messages that I might… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket could be used as characters in a story full of clever dialogue, such as: Brick: I checked… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“First machine kicked man’s ass physically, then machine started taking over the left-brain when Deep Blue bested Kasparov in chess, and then… — Jarod Kintz Brain Copy Share Image
“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking.… — Jarod Kintz Flight Copy Share Image
“I nearly ran him over after he ran out in front of my car. So I slammed on the brakes, rolled down… — Jarod Kintz Killed Copy Share Image
“For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a cat guy. Every night as I go to sleep, I have… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
