“In the spirit of slumber parties, I want to have a sleepover and invite only narcoleptics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a mansion of an imagination, and I cordially invite you to come sleep in my shed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had to be at work at 8 am this morning, so I set my alarm clock for 7:49. Naturally, my body… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s all the erection I can muster.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At the end of the day, people go to sleep. Let’s also put the cliché “At the end of the day” to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t sleep on the left side of the bed, or the right side, because there is a third option: to not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I sleep on my side. And if you’re not on my side, you’re against me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Let the best of your competition take out the rest of your competition, while you rest and then take out only that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream I woke up to realize I was tired and needed to go to sleep. Then I slowly remembered that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just realized my reality, and I’d like to say No Thanks. I’m going back to sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
