“Dreamland, I couldn’t stay away, because I couldn’t stay awake. I traveled there in my sleep, at 65 miles per hour, while… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My bed is better than all the rest. That’s why I just stand there staring at it, rather than actually laying down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costume.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At the end of the day, people go to sleep. Let’s also put the cliché “At the end of the day” to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A boring machine, would it drill holes—or put you to sleep? The two-party political system, that’s a boring machine, though voters are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s been said that the most successful people are often early risers. So that’s why I started getting up in the afternoon,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The worst part about working in a hotel is when I’m tired, I know I can’t sample the very thing I sell:… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
