“My life outlook isn’t cloudy. That’s just the weather report for the rest of my life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm not afraid of death, I'm just not sure there is life after the honeymoon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To live a sinless life is good, but if you live in a cave and positively influence nobody, you may not have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An ear shaped like a question mark is not receptive to life’s answers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my life’s work could fit on a stamp, I’d want you to lick it before I die.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The living have love for the dead, but the dead have no love for the living. I ought to know, because I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to motivate. Just hold it up as an example of something that’s going nowhere in life. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The thing that has impacted life on earth the most is life on mars. That’s where the government is storing all my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A person’s favorite word is brother, because he or she can relate to it. I love it because we value most in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my life I haven’t done anything worth writing about, but that’s OK. That’s why I write fiction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I write I am an avocado, and in a team sport setting, I am guacamole. And not to sour cream on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What is art? Art is tar, rearranged. Art is tar on canvas or tar on tarp or tar on a naked body.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want a house with a garage, so someone from the government won’t try to park a tank in my living room.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to live long enough to accomplish my life. Being me for a whole lifetime will be quite an accomplishment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The car wash sign said, “Free Vacuums.” So I told them I wanted a high-powered Dyson. I figured it’d be a good… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll make a name for myself, after I make a copy of myself. The key to a productive life is cloning.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life’s like brown sugar sprinkled on shit. Sure it tastes great, if you don’t mind the smell.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The ultimate gift is the gift of life. Please, accept this jug of semen as a present from me to you. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were king, I wouldn’t pay you the money I owe you. I’d give you a far more valuable gift: the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
