“My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My dad was born poor, made a fortune during his life, and then died suddenly—murdered by his only son, leaving his vast… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is 90% what life is about, plus or minus 10%. Of course, I just made both figures up, and made-up figures… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With a last name like Elov, you’d probably have a mixed up love life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m itching for battle—with a mosquito bite. The only thing in life I’ll scratch at more is the need to be loved.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so positive that you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Would you mind a mind blindfold, a block on your imagination? You couldn’t create a fantasy world to live in, but you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have all the things I need to succeed in life, including a bucket of unicorn urine.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve spent half my life searching for the truth. The left half of my life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be a politician because I like the idea of public service. Come on, who wouldn’t want all the people… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If frogs tasted like chicken, I’d gladly jump in the frying pan. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a John and a hooker, despite the fact that my name’s Jarod. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My mother-in-law got so angry at me she vowed she’d never speak to me again, and I smiled and gave thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fill my life with speech, but not with people who are truly listening.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know why she broke up with me. I was always there when she needed me. Well, aside for about 3/4ths… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your face influences your life, because it effects how people treat you. Sometimes you don’t have to be king to be treated… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Death is the only equality guaranteed in life. A poor man will die just as surely as a rich man.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a handyman. I work with my hand. I masturbate for a living. That’s right, I’m in politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tree once saved my life. A posse was going to hang me, but this wise old oak would not let them.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d prefer going on a date with 10 women at once. Not only might I get a bulk discount at the restaurant,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
