“You can't put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I'd demand coupons for clones.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m the most expensive person in my life. Every day I pay for the poor decisions of my past.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Not to be conceited, but I think I made a real impact on her life. And I was only driving 45 mph… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I celebrate my birthday in ways not seen this side of the Old Testament. I celebrate my life like the Dead Sea,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Not only did I not join, but now I can’t quit. I’m a nonmember for life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Growing up, my bedroom was like a garage, only much smaller and with more lawnmowers in it (we had to store them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a mode of transportation, for a bug going nowhere in life. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were in the oil business, and I sold icy roads for a living. You didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve lost many things, and many people, but thankfully I haven’t lost my life, or any of my clones.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A car is a couch with wheels. My windshield wipers don’t work, so I’ve decided to stop watering my living room carpet.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Make yourself interesting to history. Master some aspect of life, and then find a different area and do something crazy. Become a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To not feel like such a “third wheel,” I rode my tricycle to the restaurant where they were having their first date.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like this to me: “You may be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often feel like a camel in the mountains, and a goat in the desert. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s no room in my life for a woman. I mean I live in a closet, and I suppose I could squish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Yes, life could be better. But it could also be worse. Don’t believe me? Allow me introduce you to my mother-in-law.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to do something for a living that when it comes time to retire and I can stop doing it, I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
