“A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I dance for a living. At the early bird special you can find me—doing the worm.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The commodity I sell is nonsense. Condiments sold separately. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to live long enough to accomplish my life. Being me for a whole lifetime will be quite an accomplishment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every second is a moment before the unknown. Only the now is known. Life is a continuous known unknown.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream. Otherwise, how will it melt?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll wipe a booger on your living room wall, not only to show I was there, but also to say thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You are going to lose your home, your spouse, your life, and all at once, when you die. So why not drink… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a single drop of blood trying to mix in with billions of red paint splatters in this Pollack painting called… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were in the oil business, and I sold icy roads for a living. You didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people live life backwards. They party and kill time in their youth, when they’re strong and have the energy to accomplish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the thing that holds life together. Sort of like rind to a melon, cloth to a stuffed animal, or money… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My coffee gets increasingly better the more I drink and the closer I come to the bottom of the cup, where all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you where you were an economic hero. So is the real life you like the dream you?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You looked so beautiful that I felt compelled to say something. So I said, “The fish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I work for a mom and pop business. They’re my mom and pop, and by work I mean they give me an… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nobody is either honest or dishonest. Life is a gradient, and a saint might be an 8.7, and a dirtbag politician might… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop a train. But I’ve got a better way to stop a speeding train. Stand firmly… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a John and a hooker, despite the fact that my name’s Jarod. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Fireworks are SkyFlowers—dandelions of light. They are a visual display of the celebration of life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An ear shaped like a question mark is not receptive to life’s answers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my life I haven’t done anything worth writing about, but that’s OK. That’s why I write fiction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll make a name for myself, after I make a copy of myself. The key to a productive life is cloning.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve got semen stains on my shirt, and spaghetti stains on my underwear. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can't put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I'd demand coupons for clones.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
