“I’ll wipe a booger on your living room wall, not only to show I was there, but also to say thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie and Die Hard. If… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to write “I Want” because wanting is one of the things I want most in life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The window of life is mirrored. And tinted. And shattered. And borrowed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to import what’s important, and export the trivial out of my life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a cold breeze signifies a ghost, then the arctic must be really haunted. I’m going there next week, because I’ve got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you expect others to think for you, then you expect others to live your life for you. And I’m sorry, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You need skills to be good at homesteading. You need farming, carpentry, and above all, you need to be able to impersonate… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I told the tree it was going nowhere in life. It was hurtful, but true. Now, maybe in death it will go… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is about having an attitude of gratitude. And grabitude. Seriously, you’ve got to take stuff. What, do you think someone’s just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re making love on the moon, and my clone decides to show up. Would you tell… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every second is a moment before the unknown. Only the now is known. Life is a continuous known unknown.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a single drop of blood trying to mix in with billions of red paint splatters in this Pollack painting called… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream I was a seal, and I made love to a seagull. Then I got eaten by a shark, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my legs get blown off in war, I’d like to have them replaced with a coffee table. Half man/half furniture, I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be like air. Invisible, yet everybody needs me in their life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We all want somebody to share our life and love with. But if there are an odd number of people on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my name were Theodore Tiffany, my goal in life would be to meet and marry a woman named Tiffany Theodore. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
