“Don’t point your accusatory finger at me, unless you want me to wrap my hand around it, grip it tight, and jerk… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I find politicians’ speeches moving. Sometimes I don’t even pack up before forever leaving their vicinity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way to pick up… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a policy isn’t working, don’t change the policy—change its name. That should be taught in Politics 101.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You know what show I thought was a riot? Live coverage of Egyptians overthrowing their government.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be fired out of a cannon, in an attempt to bring down a brick wall, just as index fingers… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, I think everybody can agree that politicians are crooks. But I don’t think politicians are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suppress the will of the people. Every politician needs to keep this in mind when trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the light and shape shifters/wolves eager to assist the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I painted my walls yellow, with melted butter, because I recently discovered that I had a popcorn ceiling. It’s this kind of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nobody is either honest or dishonest. Life is a gradient, and a saint might be an 8.7, and a dirtbag politician might… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to keep politicians warm, when we kick them all to the street. They’ll be warm, but they’ll be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A sand trap is like a politician in its duality. It represents two opposing viewpoints. You see, it was designed to trap… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Farmers don’t picket government corruption, they picket fences. Let this be a lesson in love and the proper way to separate churlish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to cook with, as a thickening agent in gravy. But as history proves, the thickest agents work… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s always going to be a criminal element in the population. At least as long as people believe they need politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The government is so efficient it often takes two people to do the work of one. Actually, more accurately, it takes twice… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of the most productive ways a government can spend money on the people is by building more prisons. That’s what makes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A lawyer, a politician, and a prostitute walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is its about 50 weeks too short. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, because I just walked past a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a handyman. I work with my hand. I masturbate for a living. That’s right, I’m in politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, thats just what Ill do. Its this kind of regard for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an ill-fitting jacket. It looks sick. It has an “I Voted” sticker on it, so perhaps it’s as disgusted with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a fact I want to own a factory that makes up facts and figures, and I figure to make a fortune… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On average, women are better liars than men. But the best liars are men, because politicians are still predominantly men. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Did you know you can drink food? It’s true! It’s called soup, and I eat it with a fork. I’m as efficient… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operating with absurd inefficiency. Why walk ten steps when you can make it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because you don’t have an arrest record doesn’t mean you’re not a criminal. As proof, note some of the cleanest rap… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How to grow up slowly and secretly, not all at once like lunch in a condom, that is the essence of politics.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll give you a treat to get in your cage. I’m rewarding you for punishing you. Who am I? If you guessed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
