“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It may be bad for you, but government has no role in dictating our lives. People should be free to imprison themselves.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A burial should be more than a fire pit, arena seating, and a squirming politician strapped to a pile of wood. There… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say eek to Zeke Ekez, the imaginary palindrome politician of my dreams. He looks like me, talks like me, and thinks… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is it any wonder that war is senseless? It’s started by politicians. As a class, politicians have no class, and even less… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to lure politicians to your side of an issue. Which is your side? Easy—the side I’m not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like when wind works. But in this depression, does anything work? If it’s not unemployed, it’s broken. When I hear the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people don’t know where money comes from. Even most of our elected officials don’t know. If you were to ask a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When all the birds and all the fish join forces, the politicians will be forced to chew on and swallow their own… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I walk everywhere wearing orange pants, an orange vest, and a yellow bicycle helmet with a bumper supporting a political candidate I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The American Dream is to not have to work, so with unemployment at record levels, you’d think more people would be excited… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick, with its rigid conformity, could be used as a model for how the government wants its citizens to be treated.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I burp I’m not just pushing polluted air into the world—no, I’m espousing my belief on the true nature of politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The government wants to be aware of all your movements—probably including your bowel movements. Ain’t that some shit?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you make guns illegal, the only people who will have them will be criminals—and the government, which of course is the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t encourage chaos to initiate a revolution. The only reason to revolt is because the people find the government revolting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only thing politicians serve is their own interest. Public servant has morphed into private serpent.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t break wind—I repair it. I am the anti politician, because when one speaks, he farts through his mouth, and the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everybody has something to offer the world. Even rapists, murderers, and politicians. Well, maybe not politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s hard to hear over the racket of gunfire. Politicians want to talk about war, but the people want to talk about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He died a suspicious death. But only because he was a politician, and everything he did was suspicious.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would say exploit the stupid, because they’re expendable and loyal, but it’s a fact: politicians are not loyal.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A real criminal mastermind isn’t known as a criminal mastermind, because how good can you be if you’re a known criminal? No,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a man’s a constant hand-shaker, he must be a politician or a crook—or both, if he is a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The ability to gauge intelligence is itself a form of intelligence. Monkeys don’t ponder how smart monkeys are. Ditto for politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I thought I ran over a politician’s dog, but when I discovered it was his wig, I was disappointed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Can America get back to a point where politicians are honest? Not unless that point is the tip of a sword.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A politician’s word is like a thick tree branch, and the people are all hanging on it. Well, I’ve got noose for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s nothing special about politicians as people. Now as animals, they’d be extraordinary for their ability to be intelligent enough (barely) to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could deliver the zeitgeist through the thick skull of a politician faster than any letter or email. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The difference between a politician and a helmet full of feces, is the politician doesn’t need to wear protective headgear, because he’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
