States Quotes by Dave Barry

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in…

— Dave Barry

Washington is nicknamed "The Evergreen State" because it sounds better than "The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State."

— Dave Barry

Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.

— Dave Barry

Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

— Dave Barry

We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though…

— Dave Barry

As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size…

— Dave Barry

Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over…

— Dave Barry

The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the…

— Dave Barry

The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it…

— Dave Barry

There's only one way kids will wear helmets, and that's if their parents are nagging them to. They will never wear helmets…

— Dave Barry

The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right…

— Dave Barry

I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire…

— Dave Barry

The problem was that Panama technically belonged to Colombia, which refused to sign a treaty leasing it to the United States. So…

— Dave Barry

I wrote about why I didn't think libertarians are really doing this kind of thing so that they can have sex with…

— Dave Barry

Although a science fair can seem like a big "pain" it can help you understand important scientific principles, such as Newton's First…

— Dave Barry

Ask any real estate broker to name the three most important factors in buying a property, and he'll say: "Location, location, location."…

— Dave Barry

The more boring a newspaper is, the more it is respected. The most respected newspaper in the United States is The New…

— Dave Barry

Bill Clinton, who, to his credit, has established a clear and consistent foreign policy, which is as follows: Whenever the president of…

— Dave Barry

Nature is located mainly in national parks, which are vast tracts of wilderness that have been set aside by the United States…

— Dave Barry

The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to…

— Dave Barry

The Republicans have a high Beady-Eyed Self-Righteous Scary Borderline Loon Quotient, as evidenced by Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Robertson, the entire state of…

— Dave Barry

A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last…

— Dave Barry

The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United…

— Dave Barry

Remember how he handled the Iran-contra Never Ending Scandal from Hell? He went on national television, the President of the United States,…

— Dave Barry

Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which…

— Dave Barry

Nobody in the United States knows what either a "meter" or a "kilogram" is. The whole reason why we fought the Cold…

— Dave Barry

What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading…

— Dave Barry

'I'm sorry,' guys are always telling women, 'but I'm just not ready to make a commitment.' Guys are in a permanent state…

— Dave Barry

When preparing your return, you should be sure to avoid common mistakes. The two most common taxpayer mistakes, states the IRS booklet,…

— Dave Barry