Epcot Center also features pavilions built by various foreign nations, where you can experience an extremely realistic simulation of what life in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that "hmmmm" noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won't come… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
With humor you have so many options with topics and length, I mean I can write humor essays in books now and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople get ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I feel like I have more experience with publishing humor than pretty much any editor I'm going to be dealing with so… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Derangement is the only possible explanation for owning a cat, an animal whose preferred mode of communication is to sink its claws… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hugely popular Windows 95 operating system revolutionized the software world thanks to its capability of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. "Hey, YOU!" are the sea's exact… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
