People Quotes by Dave Barry

The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.

— Dave Barry

Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.

— Dave Barry

Are we ever going to have a federal tax system that regular people can understand?

— Dave Barry

Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.

— Dave Barry

There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.

— Dave Barry

People in the computer industry use the term 'user,' which to them means 'idiot.'

— Dave Barry

You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people.

— Dave Barry

I'm one of those people who tells my wife, "No coaching from the sidelines."

— Dave Barry

As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other…

— Dave Barry

People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.

— Dave Barry

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you…

— Dave Barry

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after…

— Dave Barry

Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of…

— Dave Barry

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in…

— Dave Barry

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of…

— Dave Barry

If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING…

— Dave Barry

Stuffwise we are not a lean operation. We're the kind of people who, if we were deciding what absolute minimum essential items…

— Dave Barry

And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that,…

— Dave Barry

Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over…

— Dave Barry

Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing…

— Dave Barry

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the…

— Dave Barry

Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and…

— Dave Barry

Weddings are crazy. When you get right down to it, a wedding is a party, and not an important party, really. But…

— Dave Barry

You must prepare yourselves, young people, because Uncle Dave's generation is getting old. We are almost ready to go to the retirement…

— Dave Barry

The newspaper industry when I came along in the mid-70s was rich and powerful and growing and hungry for material and open…

— Dave Barry

Many people have trouble sticking to their resolutions, and there is a simple scientific explanation for this. In 1987, a team of…

— Dave Barry

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It…

— Dave Barry

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of…

— Dave Barry

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind…

— Dave Barry

You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -…

— Dave Barry

The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose…

— Dave Barry

I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the…

— Dave Barry

I tell people view the federal government as a source of entertainment. It's a lot easier.

— Dave Barry

Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.

— Dave Barry

England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.

— Dave Barry

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

— Dave Barry

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

— Dave Barry

The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

— Dave Barry

Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.

— Dave Barry

Classical music gradually lost popularity because it is too complicated: you need twenty-five or thirty skilled musicians just to hum it properly.…

— Dave Barry