Way Quotes by Dave Barry

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

— Dave Barry

Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

— Dave Barry

As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless.

— Dave Barry

A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please…

— Dave Barry

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

— Dave Barry

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by…

— Dave Barry

As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other…

— Dave Barry

This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of…

— Dave Barry

[American tax laws] are constantly changing as our elected representatives seek new ways to ensure that whatever tax advice we receive is…

— Dave Barry

RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a…

— Dave Barry

There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to…

— Dave Barry

Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks…

— Dave Barry

As long as humanity has been human, it has looked toward the heavens and dreamed that some day, some way, there would…

— Dave Barry

There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of…

— Dave Barry

I'm a humorist. A guy like Paul Simon just makes my life so much simpler. When I was there, he had a…

— Dave Barry

What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere,…

— Dave Barry

Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the…

— Dave Barry

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only…

— Dave Barry

The weightlifting competition I saw was the women's 63 kg class. I'm not sure whether this means the actual women weighed 63…

— Dave Barry

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to…

— Dave Barry

I've always found relationships, men and women, the fact that they are so radically different, and it manifests itself in so many…

— Dave Barry

Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from…

— Dave Barry

The president, apparently, was so totally unaware of where his foreign policy was that he had to appoint a distinguished commission to…

— Dave Barry

Bill Clinton, who, to his credit, has established a clear and consistent foreign policy, which is as follows: Whenever the president of…

— Dave Barry

Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you…

— Dave Barry

Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All…

— Dave Barry

Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs- bank vice presidents, insurance salesmen,…

— Dave Barry

Wood heat is not new. It dates back to a day millions of years ago, when a group of cavemen were sitting…

— Dave Barry

I feel like I have more experience with publishing humor than pretty much any editor I'm going to be dealing with so…

— Dave Barry

Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to…

— Dave Barry

Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this…

— Dave Barry

There's only one way kids will wear helmets, and that's if their parents are nagging them to. They will never wear helmets…

— Dave Barry

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have…

— Dave Barry

The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with…

— Dave Barry

The best way to understand this whole issue is to look at what the government does: it takes money from some people,…

— Dave Barry

Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve…

— Dave Barry

In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of…

— Dave Barry

Fortunately the boat we rented had a motor in it You will definitely want this feature on your sailboat too, because if…

— Dave Barry

I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate…

— Dave Barry

If you tell most people what libertarians think, they immediately assume that you cannot mean it all the way, that you're really…

— Dave Barry