Computer Quotes by Dave Barry

A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages

— Dave Barry

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.

— Dave Barry

People in the computer industry use the term 'user,' which to them means 'idiot.'

— Dave Barry

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

— Dave Barry

Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.

— Dave Barry

Computers operate on simple principles that can be easily understood by anybody with some common sense, a little imagination, and an IQ…

— Dave Barry

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

— Dave Barry

The other major kind of computer is the "Apple," which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you…

— Dave Barry

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days…

— Dave Barry

Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and…

— Dave Barry

A computer makes it possible to do, in half an hour, tasks which were completely unnecessary to do before

— Dave Barry

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care.…

— Dave Barry

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

— Dave Barry

Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a…

— Dave Barry

And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople get ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American…

— Dave Barry

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts…

— Dave Barry

RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a…

— Dave Barry

What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere,…

— Dave Barry

My current computer, in addition to 'DOS,' has 'Windows,' which is another invention of Bill Gates, designed as a security measure to…

— Dave Barry

Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as 'viruses,' 'worms,' 'Trojan horses' and 'licensed Microsoft software' that…

— Dave Barry

Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's…

— Dave Barry

Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect.…

— Dave Barry

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand…

— Dave Barry

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care.…

— Dave Barry

Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your…

— Dave Barry

Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.

— Dave Barry

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

— Dave Barry

Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers…

— Dave Barry

Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would…

— Dave Barry

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By…

— Dave Barry

If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a…

— Dave Barry

The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is…

— Dave Barry

Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is…

— Dave Barry

Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly,…

— Dave Barry