Persons Quotes by Dave Barry

Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around…

— Dave Barry

Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.

— Dave Barry

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like…

— Dave Barry

I report as a machine; I write as a person. That clear dichotomy softens the transition.

— Dave Barry

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

— Dave Barry

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

— Dave Barry

In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly…

— Dave Barry

I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

— Dave Barry

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed…

— Dave Barry

The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue…

— Dave Barry

Roy Blount, who is the funniest person I know, journeys deep into the dark heart of humor and brings back a wonderfully…

— Dave Barry

All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions…

— Dave Barry

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults…

— Dave Barry

By the eighties, a lot of radio stations had started playing "Sixties" music. They called it "Classic Rock," because they knew we'd…

— Dave Barry

normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore…

— Dave Barry

I say we scrap the current system and replace it with a system wherein you add your name to the bottom of…

— Dave Barry

The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy…

— Dave Barry

Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the…

— Dave Barry

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same…

— Dave Barry

Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us all go to Assateague, which is an…

— Dave Barry

As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and…

— Dave Barry

You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -…

— Dave Barry

In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying…

— Dave Barry

I wrote about why I didn't think libertarians are really doing this kind of thing so that they can have sex with…

— Dave Barry

One I'm deeply into is Doris Kearns Goodwin's "Team of Rivals." I was the only person in the US who hadn't read…

— Dave Barry

My son, Rob…said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't…

— Dave Barry

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

— Dave Barry

Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed…

— Dave Barry

If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a…

— Dave Barry

Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you…

— Dave Barry

One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those…

— Dave Barry

Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. One year, one of my…

— Dave Barry

We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of…

— Dave Barry

Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that…

— Dave Barry