RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INFALAPSARIAN, n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to - in opposition… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
