RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
NIRVANA- In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
