OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
