LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REPLICA, n. A reproduction of a work of art, by the artist that made the original. It is so called to distinguish… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
