Altered Quote by Ambrose Bierce

OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus…

— Ambrose Bierce

DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

— Ambrose Bierce

IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes…

— Ambrose Bierce

REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work…

— Ambrose Bierce

CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time…

— Ambrose Bierce

RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.

— Ambrose Bierce

There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

— Ambrose Bierce

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

— Ambrose Bierce

WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard.

— Ambrose Bierce

Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

— Ambrose Bierce

RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who…

— Ambrose Bierce

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need

— Ambrose Bierce