OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A cat is a soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably out… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ELECTRICITY, n. The power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“GEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust --to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex. The Maker, at Creation's birth, With living things had stocked the earth. From… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“His act was rather that of a harmless lunatic than an enemy. We were not so new to the country as not… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system - an admirable provision of nature for the repose of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
