IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably out… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
