GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . . — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image