The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I did all this stuff that was illegal when I was a kid. I drank beer when I was 15. I smoked… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Humor is an escape, because you cannot think about your problems when you are trying to be funny; so, in essence, "being… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm reading "Team of Rivals'' I'll probably ending up reading a bunch of books about the Civil War. But I think my… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I guess nobody assumes anybody is a libertarian. It's a more complex political discussion than most people are used to, to explain… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This was years ago, I think during the early [Ronald] Reagan years. I came up with a plan that everybody just pay… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. One year, one of my… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
![“This was years ago, I think during the early [Ronald]…” quote by Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/c7c/dave-barry-222_bills_this-was-years-ago-i-think-during-the-ea_1154458.jpg)
