Thinking Quotes by Dave Barry

You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people.

— Dave Barry

I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.

— Dave Barry

He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things.

— Dave Barry

If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.

— Dave Barry

I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.

— Dave Barry

There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of…

— Dave Barry

The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle…

— Dave Barry

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an…

— Dave Barry

Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog.…

— Dave Barry

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in…

— Dave Barry

There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of…

— Dave Barry

Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if…

— Dave Barry

I'm reading "Team of Rivals'' I'll probably ending up reading a bunch of books about the Civil War. But I think my…

— Dave Barry

As far as outlining is concerned, I don't outline humor. I might right down a word or two to remind myself of…

— Dave Barry

I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my…

— Dave Barry

Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals,…

— Dave Barry

Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'…

— Dave Barry

In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying…

— Dave Barry

The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like…

— Dave Barry

I wrote about why I didn't think libertarians are really doing this kind of thing so that they can have sex with…

— Dave Barry

This was years ago, I think during the early [Ronald] Reagan years. I came up with a plan that everybody just pay…

— Dave Barry

But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the…

— Dave Barry

Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like…

— Dave Barry

I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with.…

— Dave Barry

Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail.…

— Dave Barry

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only…

— Dave Barry

The older I get and the more fiction I write, the more I outline, the more I think about plot before I…

— Dave Barry

I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of…

— Dave Barry

When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they…

— Dave Barry

When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And…

— Dave Barry

I think if you use Twitter and social media as your main source of information you are an idiot, but I think…

— Dave Barry

People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex…

— Dave Barry

I'm always writing new books so I don't dwell on the ones I've already done. I think that's a habit from being…

— Dave Barry

I think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large…

— Dave Barry

Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself…

— Dave Barry

Humor is an escape, because you cannot think about your problems when you are trying to be funny; so, in essence, "being…

— Dave Barry

If you tell most people what libertarians think, they immediately assume that you cannot mean it all the way, that you're really…

— Dave Barry

I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate…

— Dave Barry

I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is…

— Dave Barry

Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you…

— Dave Barry