As far as outlining is concerned, I don't outline humor. I might right down a word or two to remind myself of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The older I get and the more fiction I write, the more I outline, the more I think about plot before I… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I wrote about why I didn't think libertarians are really doing this kind of thing so that they can have sex with… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I think I've learned over the years, because you'd have to be stupid not to, that when a book publisher gives you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm always writing new books so I don't dwell on the ones I've already done. I think that's a habit from being… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you tell most people what libertarians think, they immediately assume that you cannot mean it all the way, that you're really… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Directors are always changing things at the last minute. Actors will do a scene, and the director will say, ‘Okay, that was… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
