'I'm sorry,' guys are always telling women, 'but I'm just not ready to make a commitment.' Guys are in a permanent state… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I do not mean to be the slightest bit critical of TV newspeople, who do a superb job, considering that they operate… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At the time, we were mad at Moammar Gadhafi, which resulted in us bombing all over Libya and killing a bunch of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, "Dave, all you do… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
With a novel, you have the reader with you a lot longer, and you owe him a lot more. Obviously you have… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I love the resource of the Internet. I use it all the time. Anything I'm writing - for example, if I'm writing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
